Delia’s Story

I really have two stories; one of deep regret and one that is a miracle.  I met my future husband in 1978 and uprooted myself from dairy farm country to metro-NYC, taking along my 2 and 1/2-year-old son from a previous marriage at the tender age of 21.  Over the next few months the romantic guy I knew showed the uglier side of himself with verbal abuse.  I underwent lumpectomy surgery for a benign cyst on my right breast.  Back then you had to sign a release allowing them to remove your breast if they needed to!  I was so scared.  Just a few weeks after the surgery, I missed a period.  I was scared because I knew my husband didn’t want anymore kids.  A friend took me to her doctor who gave me a shot to bring on my period.  Nothing happened, so I had to tell him I was pregnant.  Well, he hit the roof!!  Accused me of getting pregnant on purpose, etc.  He told me I had two choices–get an abortion or get out!!!  I had nowhere to go (or so I thought).  I had given up everything back home to move to the city.  My apartment, job, furniture, etc.  Frightened and ashamed…I had that abortion in Oct/Nov. of 1979.  My child would be 33 years old this year.  I mourn this child!

I stuck it out with my husband for many more years.  I really wanted to have a daughter and argued with my husband for a year or more after the abortion…then gave up as he would not be moved.  Then he had a change of heart and told me we could get pregnant in the winter of 1981.  I didn’t waste any time and was expecting within weeks!  Our son was born the following summer.  Six weeks after this baby I had a total tubal ligation (tied, cut, cauterized and tubes removed) I had given up on the idea of having a daughter.  Well, 18 months later, I was pregnant!  The doctors were amazed and baffled.  My husband demanded that I abort AND I SAID “LIKE HELL!!  GET YOURSELF A GOOD LAWYER!!”  He backed down, but was very cruel and unsupportive for the first few months.  I got through it and had my miracle baby girl in the spring of 1985. God is good!!!  She is married and has given me the blessing of two beautiful grandchildren that I am blessed to care for at my home office every week day!  (I left my abusive husband when she was 5 years old and took the kids and moved far away!  With just the promise of a place to live and $300 and a beat up old station wagon!)  I know God has forgiven me for that abortion and I have learned to forgive myself, but it still hurts!  I thank God that he blessed me with my girl and that I had the strength to stand up and SAY NO!
I hope my story has helped in some way!

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Beth’s Story

My story began when I was 18. My boyfriend and I got engaged. We had a plan to be married in 2 years, after he finished college. He had a part-time job, and I was a nanny and a student. Of our families, mine was a conservative family, Pro Life, and very adamant about abstinence. His family was not so conservative, and had a history of unplanned pregnancies. His grandparents had one at 16, and got married right away. His parents had one at 19 and they got married when their son was a year old. We were going to “break the pattern.” But, we didn’t. We got pregnant, I was 18, he was 19.
We knew the moment we found out that we were pregnant that no matter how hard our circumstances would be, this baby was precious, and we wanted her. I had a few relatives pull me aside to tell me that although they knew abortion wouldn’t be an option, they recommended I put her up for adoption, so I didn’t “ruin my life.” I couldn’t do it, because I knew it wasn’t my choice alone, and that my fiance would never forgive me. He wanted this baby as much as I did, if not more. But that didn’t keep it from being difficult. My parents made it clear they expected us not to “lapse” again until we were married. His parents could have cared less. But neither of them had the resources to help our newly formed little family. I got a job before I went to an OB, just to pay for COBRA, which was very expensive. I thought this job would provide me with health insurance. It did not. I spent every penny of my meagre income on insurance and medical bills. My husband’s money went to pay for his expenses as a student. We had nothing leftover for food, housing, and absolutely nothing for baby things. But our families loved us, and our new baby, before she even came.
Because no one had enough money to bear our financial burden alone, we ended up in an arrangement that was really hard. Half of the week, Sunday through Wednesday we would live at my parents. On Wednesday night we would pack up our clothing and move to his parents. We’d stay there Wednesday through Saturday. That was immeasurably hard. Rules at each house changed, and no one considered us adults, let alone parents. There were times we had to sit in our car, just to be alone and fight, or be alone as a family. Loving each other, and spending time with our daughter. We needed ways to escape, and have a space of our own. Thankfully, our family had a baby shower for us, that provided some things we needed desperately. Every gift card we got at our baby shower paid for her diapers in her first year. We used only what clothing others gave us. We had absolutely no money. After she was born, I struggled with trying to bond with her, my fiance as well, because everyone wanted to step in for us. We just wanted to be parents. It was a constant tug of war between wishing to be young and in love, and wanting to properly fulfill our responsibilities as parents.  We finally were able to marry two weeks after she turned a year old. He graduated from college, and we got an apartment. We barely had enough to scrape by, but it was OURS. Nobody was paying our way, and we lived at the same home every day. That, in and of itself was a blessing. After a lot of hard work and careful planning we were able to buy our own home. We now have 4 children, and if it weren’t for our unconventional wedding album, and the discrepancy between my daughter’s birthday and our wedding anniversary, nobody would know we had an unplanned pregnancy that turned our entire world upside down, and left us in poverty for years. The one thing that I will never forget throughout the entire thing is that the richest thing we had was her smile, her little hugs, and that no matter how poor we were, or how hard things got, somehow, some way, we always made it. God always provided. It still affects us to this day (our daughter is now 7) both in good ways, and in difficult ways, but I would never go back and change a single thing. Putting her up for adoption, or worse, aborting her, would have been the biggest heartbreak of our lives. It was her existence that gave us a purpose, and the perseverance to keep on going.

Layla’s Story

I became pregnant at 15 by my 17-year-old boyfriend. Amazingly, that boyfriend is now my husband of 15 years! When I found out I was pregnant my grandma sent me to a center to talk me out of an abortion. I never planned to have one but the pregnancy center became a huge help to me during the next few years. Being 15 & pregnant was hard, especially during driver’s Ed when I was very sick. But I persevered & got my license. Several months later I had a son! He was jaundice & had to stay in the hospital for 4 days but was healthy enough to go home after that. I took him home to my mom’s house but that didn’t last long. A week later she ended up in the hospital because she and her boyfriend were beating on each other. I knew I didn’t want my son to grow up like that. The 2 of us moved in with my boyfriend & his dad. His dad helped us get a place of our own & I continued to go to high school while my boyfriend worked. I started working when my son was 10 months old. Through my school I was able to get a co-op job in my area of interest. That was a huge help but also a huge struggle trying to finish high school & work & take care of my son & our home. Sometimes I didn’t see my son for a day or more at a time. I missed so many classes that they were going to hold me back but I appealed the decision with a letter of explanation & since my grades were good they let me pass & graduate! When my son was just about 2 years old my boyfriend & I got married. We wanted to be a family for however much time God gave us on this earth. My son is now starting his Senior year in high school & I’m so thankful for all the people who made everything possible & helped me to press on. I’m so thankful for my husband who has taken care of us & works hard to do so even though he dropped out of high school. He has gone back to school, got his GED & now has a Master’s degree from Liberty University. We are blessed to have had 2 more children as well 🙂

Jane’s Story

My story is one that illustrates how beautiful and precious every child is, no matter when or how they come.  I never considered abortion, but even so I think others might benefit from seeing how God works in the most stressful of situations, and also that we women are a lot tougher than we give ourselves credit for.
I was a married mother of four children — 5 yrs, almost 4 yrs, 2 yrs, and 9 months — when I found out that I was unexpectedly pregnant for the fifth time. My husband was in the military, and we were living far from family and friends.  I was just starting to feel like I’d gotten my feet back under me after having so many children in such a rapid succession when I found out that we were expecting again.  I had experienced extreme morning sickness with all of my pregnancies — the kind that renders you a temporary invalid.  My husband was leaving for military training soon for three months, so basically during the most extreme nausea of the pregnancy I would be totally on my own, being horribly sick and caring for the four little ones all on my own. Thankfully, when I told my husband he smiled and hugged me, and did his best to encourage me. Then he had to leave.
There were countless mornings when I hung on to the toilet, seemingly vomiting all my insides out and listening to all my little ones  downstairs and realizing that I somehow had to pull it together and get everyone in the van to drive the two older ones to school.  I thought God was asking more of me than was fair!  But we all survived.  My husband returned from military training when I was about 16 weeks along, to my great relief.
When I was 19 weeks pregnant, an ultrasound showed that my newest baby was a girl, and the doctors also told me that she would be born with a cleft lip and a cleft palate.  I was blown away.  I felt like God was REALLY being unfair.  Here I am being all “virtuous” about handling an unplanned fifth baby, and then God sends me a special-needs baby?  I did tons of research and learned that feeding a baby with a cleft palate could be very difficult — that many moms reported spending all their time just trying to feed their cleft palate baby, forget caring for other children.  I was crushed. “How would I possibly manage all this on my own?!!”, I wondered.  After indescribable worry and stress, my little girl made her appearance about four months later.  She almost died at birth when she was unable to breathe on her own, but soon stabilized after she was intubated with a breathing tube.  After she stabilized, my husband and I were told that she didn’t have a cleft palate after all, just a cleft lip and a small cleft through her gum. I was so relieved that she was alive that worrying about her palate seemed insignificant to me at that point!  Now, two months later, we are a very happy (and very busy) family.  My fifth baby has turned out to be the sweetest, easiest-to-care for baby ever… and she breastfeeds like a champ.  She also has the most gorgeous plentiful bright red hair… and beautiful bright blue eyes, like a clear freshwater lake on a lovely summer’s day.  She is also very beautiful, even with her cleft lip, and adds so much to our family dynamic.  She brings out the most wonderful things in her three big brothers, and her big sister.  I can’t imagine this family without her.  We have her lip repair surgery scheduled next month, and I am very relieved by how this whole thing has turned out.  It is very hard work to have a 6-year-old, an almost 5-year-old, a 3 yr old, a 20 month old and a 2 month old, especially with a military husband and no family/friend support, but with God’s grace, I’m doing it.  I wouldn’t give up any one of them for anything.  They are all absolutely irreplaceable.  It’s hard, but not as hard as not having them in my life.  We women are much tougher than our present-day culture gives us credit for.  In tough times, we can make it through… and make it through carrying our babies.  Anyone that would tell us to get rid of our babies in order to make it ourselves or for “the good of our families” either has no concept of how strong we women are, or else merely wants to exploit us for the sake of their own ideologies or wallet, in my opinion.  You can’t save a woman without also saving her baby.  Like it or not, the two are inseparable.  From where I’m sitting, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Children are exhausting, maddening, frustrating… and infinitely precious.  There is no other gift other than the gift of salvation that does so much  for us.

Chrissy’s Story

My story begins when I was widowed at 27 with 2 daughters. After 3 years of my husband being in the hospital more than out, he died at 28. I decided that I should go back to school, so I started college and I did well the first year. I started becoming so lonely and feeling like everyone had a mate but me and I started thinking it was time to start dating again. My brother introduced me to the brother of a friend of his and we started seeing each other in May. I had been saved & baptized when I was 17 and I was wanting a Christian man. Well, Ken told me he was a Christian and I thought that he was it. I found out that he wasn’t after another week of dating him. But I told myself that if I let him go no one else would want me. I wasn’t a virgin any longer, so what difference does it make if we have sex. I bought into the devil’s lies and had sex 2 or 3 times and I got pregnant the first time. I figured he knew I wasn’t using anything to not get pregnant, so maybe he would marry me if I was having his baby. How wrong I was. I told him I was pregnant and he said “What do you want me to do about it?” I never saw him from that day forward. I found out that he died a few years ago.
So I felt devastated, stupid, regretful, and a host of other torturous feelings. I asked God to forgive me and promised God I would never have sex outside of marriage again. I cried for the next 6 months. I was going to give the baby up for adoption. How was I to take care of another child? My girls begged me not to give the baby away.  After much prayer, I chose to keep the child.
Well, that baby is my son, Greg. He’s been such a blessing to me and our family. He’s tall and fair-complexioned like his father, but other than that he looks like my side of the family. He’s a Music and Youth minister and surrendered to the call at the age of 14. He married a beautiful young woman 2 years ago who is a strong Christian woman too and they saved themselves until marriage. I am so proud of him and love him immensely. God has been good to be faithful to his promises. I kept my end and saved myself for my husband, Dale, whom I met a year later and we’ve been married for 25 years this past June.
No matter the circumstances of pregnancy–God is faithful to those who are faithful to him. He forgives and He restores. Blessed be the name of the Lord God.

Diane’s Story

At 47 I had been home with my children for 20 years and decided to go back to work as a pharmacist. We needed my income. I accepted a retail pharmacy job in November with a start date of December 7th. December 6th, I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in denial.  A full 95% of pregnancies at that advanced maternal age are miscarried in the first trimester. My 15-year-old daughter was really excited to be a big sister, but I kept telling her, “Don’t get your hopes up!”
At 12 weeks, I decided to make an appointment with my OB. With the sonogram, I was a full 12 weeks. I decided that I really might have a baby. At 18 weeks they did a detailed anatomy sonogram. The baby had a cystic hygroma. There was a 99% chance that she would not make it and she almost certainly had a chromosomal abnormality. I refused an amniocentesis. She had enough battles to fight and I didn’t want anything else to decrease her odds of survival. God doesn’t make mistakes. I would love her just as she was. The perinatologist told me that he thought she had a fatal trisomy, either Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 13. I prayed that he was wrong and that I would have a daughter to hold for a lifetime. Near the end of the 2nd trimester, her cystic hygroma resolved. If she didn’t have a fatal trisomy, she might live. At 34 weeks, I developed pre-eclampsia and they induced labor. Still not sure that I would hold a live child for long, I awaited her arrival. She was born kicking and screaming, a beautiful sound. I held my breath hoping that she did not have a fatal Trisomy. The neonatologist came in after a few minutes and told me that he thought she had Turner’s Syndrome. These girls live full happy lives. They generally are infertile and must have growth hormones to achieve a normal height and female hormones to go through puberty, but they have normal to above average intelligence. They can have heart and kidney problems, but Isabella escaped those. She is a healthy happy 3-year-old now and the joy of our lives!

Rebekah’s Story

My parents split up when I was 12. That was the start of my downward spiral. I began to drink to the point of passing out and smoking pot. My newly single mother was discovering the joys of dating again so I was completely unsupervised. I became sexually active at 14 when I started dating my 20 yo boyfriend. I missed 48 days of school in the eighth grade so he started taking me to school everyday to make sure I went. My mother allowed him to move into my bedroom. I felt my life was without hope. I didn’t want to be with this man but he took care of me and bought me clothes. I became pregnant at the age of 15. I immediately quit school in the ninth grade and married my boyfriend. He made 6.00 an hour. We did not go on assistance. We moved into his parents old house rent free in the middle of nowhere. I did not have a phone, car or air conditioning and we lived in Florida!  I had NO help raising my baby. My mother moved to another city and that really devastated me. I decided that I would get my GED and graduated on time!  Having my daughter was one of the best things that ever happened to me!  It wasn’t easy but I now had meaning to my life. Her dad and I split after 7 years of marriage and I was a young single mom for almost 10 years. My daughter was the first female in several generations to not be a teen mom and now has her nursing degree. I am so proud of who she is and what she has accomplished. I feel we beat the statistics!

Kelly’s Story

When my daughter was nine months old, my husband had recently joined the Army and we were stationed near Fort Ord, California. The housing and financial situation for military families was very grave; one little boy, Danny H., committed suicide in the hopes that having one less mouth to feed would help his family.

We didn’t have much time to find a home, and ended up in an apartment in Salinas, a long drive from the base where my husband worked. It was also far from supermarkets and from the Army commissary. The apartment had no refrigerator, and we were trying to keep non-perishables from perishing in a tiny bar fridge.

Then I found out I was pregnant.

The only way I’d been able to make sure my daughter didn’t go hungry was to skip meals myself. Even when Army Family Advocacy gave us a Thanksgiving food basket, much of the food went bad because the tiny refrigerator we managed to buy didn’t have room for the baby’s milk and all the leftovers. I was out of my mind with anguish — If I ate, I’d be starving my daughter. If I fed my daughter, I couldn’t eat, and I’d be starving the new baby.

I was fresh out of college. I’d been bombarded with the standard pro-choice propaganda about the poor woman who needs an abortion because she already has more children than she could afford. Suddenly, I was one of them. I knew what my responsibility to my daughter was: to call the Planned Parenthood (conveniently within walking distance) and have my need to eat eliminated. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and I hated myself for it. I felt like I was a terrible mother because I wasn’t willing to do what I needed to do to take care of my daughter.

I’d been brainwashed well into the “abort or starve” mentality, and just went emotionally numb. At four months I still hadn’t gained any weight — I got a temp job wearing a tiny skirt and handing out free samples! I felt guilty for what I was “doing” to the new baby — starving it! I knew my baby would be born deformed because I’d been too cowardly to abort.

My husband and I started selling our few possessions to buy food. We sold our wedding rings.

That was when somebody noticed our plight — another young man in my husband’s unit, Eddie. Eddie was a pro-choicer’s worst nightmare: a Roman Catholic pro-life man. Eddie was our salvation.

Because Eddie hadn’t been brainwashed the way my husband and I had been (four years of college!), he was able to see clearly. He told us our problem was our apartment — too far from everything and no refrigerator. He jolted me out of my stunned apathy and we found furnished apartment with a refrigerator, across the street from a grocery store, within walking distance of a farmers’ market, and near other servicemen my husband could carpool with. By the time my son was born, we were not only no longer starving, we were able to have friends over for supper occasionally!

But still the brainwashing was in effect. I believed what I’d been told: that because this was an unwanted pregnancy for which abortion had been contemplated, I could never love this child. Many sleepless nights I spent crying, overcome with pity for this baby that I knew would be handicapped and doomed to a loveless life.

My son was born after 43 hours of back labor. He was a huge, nine-pound baby (so much for being starved), and in perfect health (so much for being handicapped due to Mom’s poor diet). But even then, I believed the brainwashing. I held my son and looked on him with pity — until he squinted up at me through his Demerol-blurred eyes. He didn’t know anything was amiss; he was struggling to see his mother, to get on with his life. He had such a fierceness about him, and suddenly I was overcome with a rush of mother-love.

I held him close and laughed, “Oh, honey, if I’d known it was you, I’d never have been upset!”

That unwanted pregnancy turned out to be a blessing to the family, a joy to us, a help in tough times, and a wonderful companion for his sister. He is living proof that the following pro-choice truths are lies:

1. Poor women need abortions. Wrong! We need help with problem solving!

2. An unwanted pregnancy means an unwanted child. Wrong! I tell my son that I didn’t know that it was time for him, but that God knew better. My son is my “unsolicited bonus baby,” never an “accident,” and not even slightly unwanted.

3. Poor women should have abortions because their poor nutrition will lead to low birth weight, birth defects, and sickly children. Wrong! My little nine-pounder is a hale and robust child.

4. Pregnant woman are always capable of making sound, informed choices. Wrong! Pregnant women are human and just as subject as any other person to the “fight or flight” response to a scary situation. It’s just that in most scary situations, there’s not a collection of people who stand to gain money and political power from convincing you that you need to act on panic.

5. If a woman thinks she can’t parent a child under her circumstances, she’s right, and it’s best for her, her family, and the child if she aborts. Wrong! In fact, the first two developmental tasks of pregnancy are acceptance of the pregnant state and bonding with the fetus. it’s natural to panic! In fact, a friend of mine who is very happy with her nine children told me she felt just as much panic for pregnancy #9 and she did for pregnancies #1 – #8. A woman who panics, in other words, is normal, and needs to be told so.

6. Abortion is good for families, because it allows parents to focus their resources on their born children. Wrong! Having been brainwashed into thinking poor women need abortions paralyzed my thinking and made me less able to adequately care for my daughter. Only when Eddie’s clearer head prevailed was I able to get back on track.

Of all the proabortion arguments, I think “poor women need abortions” is among the most evil and destructive. It nearly destroyed my son, nearly deprived us of the joy of his love and companionship. Every day I thank God there was an “anti-choicer” there to help me get what I really needed.

“Poor women need abortions” is a cop-out uttered by people too lazy to offer real solutions to the real problems. It offers a cookie-cutter, “one size fits all” solution so that nobody has to trouble themselves with her. The women of Fortress International put it very well when they said, “Give us love, not abortions.”

Destiny’s Story

When I was 18 I got pregnant with my first daughter, Eliana. I hadn’t finished high school yet, and was living with my boyfriend at the time. We didn’t have a very healthy relationship. He would lie a lot, stay out after work and leave me with the baby all the time. I started feeling very resentful and became a little depressed. I was so happy when my daughter got a little older and I wasn’t so tied down anymore. Being a young teenage mom was hard on me because I felt like I was being deprived of normal teenage things. Going out when I wanted, watching movies, having dinner with friends etc. I was looking forward to my daughter growing up and becoming independent so I could go back to school and start working. This is what kept me going, when things got tough. When my daughter was a year and a half, I fell pregnant again. I remember sitting on the toilet in the morning, just came home from a walk with my toddler and picked up a pregnancy test from Shoppers. Boyfriend still sleeping and toddler in the washroom with me, I took the test, and when those two pink lines showed up I fell to my knees, crying, crying like I have never cried before. Absolutely terrified. Anxiety and fear filled me. I had NO IDEA what I was going to do. I did know for sure that I did not want another baby. I had just made it a whole year and a half raising my first, and now I was about to re start all over again. In a terrible relationship, where we were fighting every single day.

A few weeks passed and I started suffering from depression. My boyfriend was working a lot and I was a stay at home mom, alone with my toddler. Suffering from depression and morning sickness, I had no motivation or energy to do anything with my toddler. A walk to the park was something I dreaded, making meals was impossible. I just wanted to curl up on my bed, cry, and sleep forever. At 8 weeks I scheduled my first appointment for an abortion. Scared, I canceled it. At 13 weeks I scheduled another. The night before my scheduled abortion, my boyfriend cried and begged me to spare the life of his child. Of course at that time I never referred to it as our child, just something I needed to get rid of and make this whole thing go away. Scared again, I canceled my appointment. As my pregnancy progressed, and after seeking couples counseling, I started feeling a little excited about the baby. I was still really scared about how I would manage two children 27 months apart, but most of the fears and depression slipped away and I started enjoying buying baby things, and planning for her arrival. March 28th 2013 we welcomed our 2nd daughter into the world and I am so deeply in love with her. Things get extremely difficult and overwhelming with a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old but I have absolutely no regrets about choosing life for our baby girl. She loves her big sister and her big sister adores her… I get to watch their relationship flourish every single day and its amazing.

I just want other mothers out there to know that I was in a very bad place when I found out I was pregnant again, I never wanted another child, and was dealing with depression from an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. But right now, my 4 month old is sleeping soundly next to me, and in the morning she will greet me with a hundred ear-to-ear smiles, and I couldn’t be happier that she is here. No matter what you are going through, you won’t regret having your baby. That baby will make up for all the sorrow you may be feeling. Just give him/her a chance.

Destiny, xx

Margaret’s Story

The year after Roe was decided I found myself pregnant unexpectedly. I had a 5-year-old and a 7-month old. I had just begun my “dream job”: teaching nursing with a large community college system. My husband had quit working 2 months previous in order to finish his undergraduate degree. Needless to say, it couldn’t have been at a worse time in my life and in our life as a family. My doctor offered to abort the baby, but how could I do that? My primary nursing specialty was obstetrics! I knew this was not a blob of tissue. This was a unique human being: never to be repeated again.
We committed ourselves to God, to our family and to this new baby. Was it difficult? Absolutely! But we managed by faith and with the help of God, expressed through our family, friends and church. Was it worth it? I can’t begin to tell you how worth it is was and is. That young man has been a joy every day of his life, as have his two “planned” brothers.  He is now practicing a profession, married to my sweet daughter-in-love and has twin children of his own, who are a joy in my life as well.  I have never, ever regretted the decision I made nor the cost of that decision. Every time I look at my son and his family, I thank God for them and what He is doing in them and through them.